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You Know You Are Drinking Too Much Coffee When........
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You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast forward.
You can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low".
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
Beach Bagels owns the mortgage on your house.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop".
You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar".
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You help your dog chase it's tail.
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More Funnies..........................
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.
Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
You have a bumper sticker that reads: Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.
You just completed another sweater & you don't know how to knit.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House".
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You buy half & half by the barrel.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's NOT plugged in.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You introduce your spouse as "CoffeeMate".
Your first-aid kit contains 2 pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
You have a conniption over spilt milk.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter Scale.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation".
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